21 Weeks

The most difficult part of Jonas being sick is the part where he is getting better. Maybe its like this for all parents, I don't know. Two weeks ago Jonas spiked a high fever which continued on for 4 days and was accompanied by a cough. He mostly slept and watched DVD's. Oh and of course he wanted mommy attached the entire time. I got some good rest but was beginning to worry about my lack of movement during those days. I had just had my H1N1 shot the week before and therefor was not fully immune against this influenza if this is indeed what Jonas had. I believe it was H1N1. I don't know how ANY parent can avoid all the coughing, snot and other bodily fluids being thrown in their direction during such an illness - mind you I didn't think too much of it while I took care of him during that week. Lots of love and snuggles, massage, teas, humidifier, juice, Tylenol, vitamins, cold cloths and some homeopathy and Jonas was better within the week. Once he felt better, however, is when things always seem to get tough. He wants to play and tires himself out quickly, he gets cranky. He doesn't eat dinner then wants snacks in bed at night. He is so freakin cranky! On again, off again. We see bits of our little boy and then out comes the psycho dragon.

I can even tell the all patient Jordan wears thin after all of this. As I write, he is still in Jonas's room, laying with him in bed and waiting for him to fall asleep. He's been in there for 1.5 hours with many ups and downs. Its tough. We took shifts tonight. I made dinner, Jordan did some art with Jonas to keep him busy, we sat down to eat, luckily we finished in time to deal with more meltdown which I dealt with for an hour while Jord went to our room and rested (he had a really hectic school day today and got off to a late start - more Jonas drama in the middle of the night and a major accidental sleep in for everyone!). Anyway Jord and I went back and forth a few times to give each other a break and then alas bedtime! phew. There's some honest parent rambling for you! Inspired by Reesh (in a good way!) because as we all know there are some great ups and some serious downs in the work of parenting. But, for me, the most fulfilling experience of my life so far.

These past 2 weeks have gone from having a slight baby bump to having a full on baby bump. All of a sudden I feel huge and I still have 19 weeks left! sheesh! Everything is stretching and I swear baby has had a growth spurt recently. I have gained 3 pounds in about 10 days, so in total I have gained maybe 7 or 8 lbs. It was like this for the last pregnancy as well - none to slow weight gain at the beginning and then much quicker halfway through. I never did write down any numbers and I wish I would have because its nice to know for future reference. I think this stuff can be passed down through genetics. My mom always gained 30 lbs with each pregnancy and her first baby (me) weighed 6 lbs 14 ounces and labour was a back labour - Same as me - Jonas weighed 6 lbs 14 ounces, I had a back labour and in the end I gained between 25 -28 lbs. Same as my mom.

On a side note, a prenatal client I recently had said that her mother had very quick and easy labours for all of her children. Her mom actually came to some of our meetings and talked a bit about her labours. I shared with them that I felt that her daughter would labour just as she had. And you know what? She did, exactly!

So if I have a daughter, I will share with her as much as possible about my own pregnancy and labor and about her grandmothers and I think she will appreciate this knowledge being passed down to her. Maybe it will help to empower her and really trust in her body and all that it can do!!!

I had my regular midwife appointment today which was, as always, really nice. Everything is great and baby measurement is slightly above average (fundal height) which is nothing to be concerned about.

I am making an effort to get back into the yoga now - I have a great Bikram yoga DVD for pregnant women that I really enjoy. I feel so great after I finnish the session and wonder why I don't do it every day. I have not gone back to swimming since the first few times in the first trimester. This is another activity that I will put more of a focus on this Dec. I am no longer as tired so I think its best that I get back to being active.

20 Weeks

There have been many times over these past weeks where I have wanted to blog about one thing or another. There is just too much to say in one post. Nothing at all life changing, just a whole lot of thoughts and ideas filtering through my mind.

I am now halfway through this pregnancy. It is going by so quick. Yesterday I finally felt like I had popped out and I am really beginning to notice the belly. I am also finally beginning to gain weight which I know from the last time around happens for me quite steadily from now until labour.

With this 'growth spurt' comes a lot of creative flow. Overall, I feel really good these days. I feel so ready for this new baby. It feels like I have been preparing myself for quite awhile for this baby. Jonas has become much more independent from me. He has self weaned himself to the point where he will go several days without breastfeeding and then perhaps talk about it and sometimes asks for a sip. I comply if its nap time or bed time but not usually any other time. Jordan has been putting him to bed now for the past 6 months and although it was tough at first, it has worked out for the best. Jonas has been sleeping right through the night since those early weeks of Jordan putting him to bed. Since then I almost feel like I am on vacation in a way. I am having a great break and really recharging for round number 2. Also, I am attending births and will do so until a month or two before I give birth myself. My goal is to either finish my childbirth education course or lactation counsellor course before I give birth. I plan to stay involved in the local birthing scene after baby is born, but more at a leisurely pace. I will do the mom at home thing again for another 18 months or so and then most likely I will be off to Midwifery school. I know, I know, plans don't always go accordingly, but I have always had a plan and a goal and although they may change and grow over time, its just how I am. I like to have a vision but I am also open to change.

As I mentioned earlier this seems to be the time in my pregnancy where I look for peace and tranquility in my life. It is the part of pregnancy that becomes most holy, where i feel so creative and also protective of all that touches me. I declutter my mind and attend to all the thoughts that do not serve me or my growing baby in a positive way. I dream, I read, I theorize and I release. Maybe its the time of pregnancy that my baby is most affected by my thoughts and surroundings and there is just no room for any garbage, so I feel this strong urge to get rid of it all. I do that and I move on. And as this happens I feel a stronger and stronger presence within me of my baby's entire being. Its consciousness, its personality. I feel it very strongly these days and I must say that I have a slight inkling that this baby could be female. And I have her name that keeps repeating to me. But to be on the safe side and since this baby will someday read this blog as a bound book, if you are a boy then that's just great!!! It doesn't really matter, but a small part of me says girl.

The last birth I was at really made me reconsider and rethink trying a hospital birth. I am still not entirely satisfied with the idea of having this baby at the hospital. The thought of having to guess when I have reached 4 or 5 cm (in order to be admitted to hospital), driving in a car in active labour, getting dilation checked in admitting and then heading to the L&D room to continue labouring sounds really unnatural and difficult. My last client felt like she was ready to head to the hospital and was told to go home after being checked in admitting - she was only 2 cm dilated and having incredible back labour. We drove back home together while we tried to help her feel comfortable in the car while she vomited and contracted all the way home. I got her as comfortable as possible at home where she quickly regained her rhythm and progressed very quickly. It was so quick in fact that she was feeling the urge to push within two hours and we had the midwife come asap where she announced that either she could go back to the hospital and go through the whole routine again or have the baby right there in the living room within half an hour. She didn't want to move and welcomed the idea of birthing right then and there. Of course the midwife had everything needed in case of an emergency with baby or mother. The birthing was absolutely beautiful and empowering.

Another common theme lately is some of the misinformation out there about the H1N1 vaccine. What particularly bothers me is when non supported ideas and opinions of this vaccine circulate and affect the decision making processes of the pregnant teen moms I work with. You should hear some of the info they have picked up around them! These teens are picking up bits and pieces of info online, friends, television and are really confused as to what to do. Yet when it comes down to it, there are some basic facts out there that they need to know and then begin their decision making process from there. These are facts that are evidence based. And I want these young pregnant women to know, bottom line, what the pros and cons of getting this vaccine are. How many women are in the hospital in their third trimester in respiratory distress and at risk of preterm labour and other complications vs proven life threatening side affects from the vaccine ingredients. Will the mercury (about the same amount as a can of tuna) give your child autism? Will this inactive vaccine get you sick with swine?? Well, its not live...

Once these women know the facts I really do support them in their decision making. They will feel confidence in their decision because they have taken responsibility and therefor some control in their life. I try to do the same if a woman wants an epidural (or any intervention in labour). I respect her decision as long as she has been given the facts - meaning what could happen if she gets the epidural vs not getting it. Facts that are not founded on opinion and creative ideas, but by the most current scientifically supported evidence.

When the adjuvant free vaccine came out a couple of weeks ago I got it. I was not prepared to take on the risks of getting H1N1 during this pregnancy. I am a strong believer in preventative, healthy living and I also see a Naturopath and in the past would see a Chinese doctor or Ayurvedic practitioner. I like natural most and have never had a flu vaccine. Didn't feel I needed one. But this time around I went for it. Jonas got sick a week ago with a fever for 5 days, chest cough and lethargy. Its been a week now and he is just coughing and sensitive and cranky. I am just glad I was able to give him all my time and energy over the week.

Now I am recharging and letting dad take over for the weekend. haha. I can hear them doing 'science experiments' in the kitchen.....

15 Weeks

I love being pregnant a second time. The changes of my body; knowing that it is working hard and precisely, growing and nourishing this lovely soul who has joined our family. How content and fulfilled I feel in knowing that this was the right decision for me, Jonas and Jordan. Of course, there are the nagging questions in the back of my mind, how will this change us? How will manage? What will we gain and how will we grow with this new little being. Its never a question as to what we may lose because it is not the huge leap of having no children to having a first child. Now THAT was an adjustment! I know what to expect and I also know that there may be surprises. I know about the fatigue and the lack of sleep but I also know all that completely outweighs the difficulties.

I am now into the second trimester. Thankfully I am nowhere near as bone tired as I was earlier-that is truly the worst type of tired. Tired because of something you cannot control. Even with 8 hours of blessed sleep, naps and a general slowing down does not seem to help that type of tired. There are some similarities to the last pregnancy such as slow/no weight gain for the first trimester and a decreased appetite. Also food aversions as before. This time around, though, I am having definite food cravings to greasy salty food. I also have nauseousness that started about a month ago. It sucks. It can happen anytime throughout the day and it can make it difficult to cook. Jordan now does more than half the cooking - normally he will do it half the time. I am glad he is a great cook. I can already feel the Braxton Hicks and its still so shocking that my little belly can get so tight and not harm the baby. At least I know I will have a well tuned uterus when its time to push the baby out!

Jordan is in full on school still which is just great with me. He is minutes from him classes and does all of his research at home. He makes time to do lots with us and still stays on top of his work. I must say, and he will hate me for posting this, but I am so proud of him and all that he has accomplished this past year. His supervisor asked if he would be interested in teaching a 4th year forestry class for next semester. He said it would have to wait another year because he would never have had the time and the baby is due at the end of the semester and it would all be too stressful.

I am also very proud of Jonas. He is such a sweet little boy - still as sensitive as ever and almost always so much fun to be around. He loves his art, music class, gymnastics, books, walks, trains and marble tower. He is now a champion sleeper and falls asleep at 8:30 and gets up at 6:30. Never wakes up during the night. He has a big boy bed thanks to Grandma Janet. He has also decided to be out of diapers and although he was going in the big potty before he was one, he always reverted back to the diapers. He is now quite good at being consistent with pottying except with a little mishap on Thanksgiving in front of me and Soren. Jonas was just beyond exhaustion, but because Uncle Soren and Andrea were visiting he was on high gear and running around his bedroom bottomless. He said he had to pee and would be peeing on a pillow and we were saying No! go to the potty and he was all wild and just did it on his marble bag and pillow! It was so crazy because we were all laughing and couldn't stop and I knew we shouldn't be laughing which made us laugh harder.

Besides growing a baby, I continue to work with clients pre and postnatally. I am on call at the moment for a birth and lucky for me it will be my first birth with a midwife rather than a doctor. I imagine it will be vastly different and possibly more satisfying for this young couple. OB's are essential when there are complications but in my small bit of experience it seems that our regular system of hospital birth with nurse and doctor actually cause more intervention and complication than need be. Of course this is a generalization but this has been my experience so far. The upcoming delivery will be at Women's Hospital which will be new for me because I have only worked at Lions Gate and Burnaby General which are fairly basic rooms but I think Women's might be a whole new experience because they also have the birthing tubs and larger rooms and possibly more comfortable for the Dads. It is also designated by WHO to be baby friendly which is the only hospital in BC with this distinction. I am also going back to SMILE to help support the young pregnant moms during the childbirth education classes and possibly some of their births as well. I am trying to pack in as much as possible before April so that I can feel really good about my change of focus which will be happening in the Spring.......phew.

Jonas with his favourite music group 'Bobs and Lolo' at the Aquarium at the membership party in Sept. He was stoked!

12 Weeks Pregnant

11 Weeks

We have lived up at Simon Fraser University for a year now. I can't believe how quickly time has passed and already the great memories we have made in Vancouver. The only negative, really, was our apartment - and not the layout or size, but its location within the building. North facing, facing the undergrad housing, bright bright lights that stayed on all night long and no yard. Ugh. We finally found another apartment on the other side, with a fenced yard and a nice view. We even have a huge Maple tree within the yard. We just moved in and it feels so great! Its amazing how much better life is with abit of sunshine streaming through your windows and some peace and quiet from the loud undergrads! As for our house on the Island, we have found some suitable renters who will remain in our house for the next two years (could be longer!!). I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling nostalgic for our Island paradise! I think that now that I am pregnant, I am much more sensitive to my surroundings and a part of me really does miss the true nature and feelings of clean living that is impossible to feel in the city.

I will miss this view outside my bedroom door.....

Jordan is back in regular classes and Jonas is going to my old daycare up here at SFU - funny isn't it? I was about his age when I was here in the 70's. I am working as a Doula and am looking forward to attending as many births as possible before baby #2 comes along.

Its been difficult lately because of my fatigue, which comes in waves. Some days are fine and others are like I have this huge hangover and my body feels like lead. I am not feeling as nauseous but still have some food aversions. Those are slowly going away as well. There has been no weight gain yet, but I am beginning to feel my uterus expand above my pubic bone. As well, I can feel the little flutters of the fetus doing flips inside of me.

Jonas will sometimes put his hand on my belly and say that he can feel the baby. He gets very excited about a baby growing inside of me and I always tell him about when he was growing inside of me. I think he thinks its all pretty cool - I have no idea how much he truly understands since he is only 30 months old, but he understands enough to bring it up on his own sometimes.

I often wonder how he will react to the new baby and the shift in family dynamics once baby is born. Although its still so early in the pregnancy I am making conscious little changes with Jonas, such as not carrying him around so much and also letting him know that I am tired alot and need to rest more often. I am also making him wait while I finish tasks - rather than going to him so quickly when he has a need that must be met. I am hoping he will learn just a small amount of patience over these next few months so that he is more understanding when I am attending to the new baby first. Well, we will see how it all pans out.

8 Weeks And THE Wonderful Things That Accompany Pregnancy

I love that I have my old pregnancy blog to reread and compare to my current pregnancy. Its seems as though, so far, many things are similar.

Starting about 2 weeks ago, I became really, really tired....and with a 30 month old boy running around its not like the first time around where I just focused on myself and relaxed. Actually, as far as timing of this pregnancy, it has worked out better than I had imagined. With Jordan off from school for the past two weeks and for another 2 two weeks, I am able to get time to myself and get extra sleep as needed, so overall, I feel good.

Just like the last time around, I am having a few food aversions and a funny relationship with food. Last time it was distinctly meat and fish for several months. This time its been coffee (I only have a cup each morning but for the past month its been totally avoided as the thought of it made my stomach turn). And also the thought of making heavy dishes like Indian food or just big dinners totally turns my stomach. I am fine in the light breakfast and lunch arena where I make simple and straightforward meals - but beyond that yuck. Funny how its all unfolding just like the last pregnancy and this time around I am always contemplating why why why does the body go through all these changes - its so much more the physical, isn't it!

Other first trimester changes include, unfortunately, restless leg again and peeing all night long. My dreams are incredibly vivid. My breasts are a little tender, which I am more aware of this time around because I am still nursing Jonas at nap time and bed time. I am not looking forward to my breasts getting big again since they had returned to a nice smaller size this past year.

But that doesn't really matter does it? Afterall, I am growing a baby, who, by now has grown more than 10,000 times its original size since conception. This little wonder now has

little arm and leg buds and is about 1/3 INCH long!

Blessed!

Two separate tests with positive results.

What a wonderful reunion with Jordan after spending two weeks apart. He has finnished up his research for the summer and I am home from the Island.

Now we can bask in the sun together and start thinking of names. Oh and call the parents ;-)

Made on Quadra Island??

Summer travel, work, studies....family, friends. Waiting waiting for my cycle to be late. It couldn't be this easy, could it?

A Little Voice.....

After spending a few years living and building our home on Quadra Island, the island of my husbands childhood, we decided to start our family. My first blog documents my first pregnancy, ending in a beautiful and fulfilling homebirth at my mother in laws house.

My second blog is written for my son, recording his first year of life and my transition into motherhood. 

With this transition, I moved away from my filmmaking work and delved deeply into everything perinatal which manifested into my becoming a Doula. I love being a mother at home but I also like to get out into the community and connect with pregnant and new mothers in such a way that I can assist with their own transitions into their new roles. And I know that in time I will pick up another camera and record what I have discovered along the way of empowering and supporting women in their childbearing years.

So with this fulfilled life I was not so sure I would have another child. My son is 2 and we are on a longish temporary hiatus in the city where my husband is in graduate school and I am working abit and building on my Doula skills. Life is great and full of joy so why would I ever want to disrupt it? 

And yet I feel so deeply the winds of change. A new adventure unfolds as I feel a gentle nudge from something higher than myself. I feel the warmth and joy of knowing that I am opening myself to this strong yet soft whisper of life unfolding. And my husband has felt this stirring as well. Its as if a little soul out there has chosen us and is waiting for us to accept its bright light into our family and our life....